Ninjaofdoom: it kind of sounds like you didn't manage to keep the attitude held down enough to enter into translational lift. Just above 40 knots the shaking and other forces will calm down and it will be a nice smooth ride. Feels a bit like a fixed wing even.
AFAIK force trim is the real deal. However it doesn't do quite what we see on our consumer joysticks. Rather than moving the center position on the joystick to a different spot with regard to the control surfaces, the force trim just makes it so that the stick stays in the position you trimmed when no forces are being applied to it
If you land with much force DCS currently counts that equal to you shooting the building in question so that can be detrimental. The other point that makes rooftop landings a bit challenging is that most buildings are tall enough that you are not in ground effect at all when you come in for the landing. Ground Effect hovering is MUCH easier than hovering out of ground effect.