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So there I was.........

Capn Penguin

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There I was……..


The time was 0630 in the virtual morning and I was careening up a virtual valley at just over 600 virtual knots. My virtual trusty steed for this mission was a shiny new virtual F-16 loaded with virtual bombs headed towards the virtual city of Whoville, where the virtual Lemmings therein were being threatened by a group of virtual Ragheads. (No offense intended to Lemmings, Ragheads, Whoittes or Dr. Seuss fans in general) As the countdown timer on my HUD neared the magic number I skirted through the outer SAM ring and felt hope rise in my heart. I was the man! I was one with my machine! I was unstoppable… or so I thought.


As I cleanly rounded a bend in the valley in all of the VR glory my 2080ti card could muster, I instructed my wingman to drop into trail formation, and I grinned as I gazed ahead at the target before me. It was then that I heard a noise from the 2 O’clock position. I looked as if I would see something in the virtual cockpit but everything was in the green. I refocused my gaze on the rapidly approaching encampment and adjusted the grip on my joystick when I felt an impact on my forearm. Instinctively I scanned the gauges, but my mind snapped to reality that whatever was impacting my arm was “outside” of the cockpit. I quickly thought about the balance between my commitment to the Lemmings desperate for my aid and investigating the enemy that seemed to have infiltrated my rapidly moving virtual airspace.


I released the throttle for a moment and raised the VR headset for a brief glimpse, knowing I was mere seconds away from the IP, and was greeted with a frightening view. There was an F-13 Mk.7 Tabby at Co-altitude staring relentlessly at me. Her unblinking eyes were filled with a mixture of terror and angst made her look like a Tribble gone mad. She studied me intently as she pondered her position and my next move. The Tabby Mk. 7 was intertwined with my collectors edition Lego X-Wing fighter and I only had a moment to react before the X-Wing would meet its demise. I rapidly assessed the situation and very quickly realized that this scenario only had 1 of 2 outcomes, Dead Lemmings or destroyed property. However as I looked into her eyes she seemed to hint that in fact both outcomes would be reached but beyond my expectations. As I type this today, Oh how I wish she had been wrong.


Against the wishes of the doomed Lemmings ahead I struck the ESC key and yanked off the VR headset, which in retrospect, was a very bad choice. My sudden movement startled the Tabby Mk. 7 causing her to perform a hard jink to the left as if she were avoiding an SA-6. The X-Wing rolled with her and I reached out to keep it from falling to the floor. My hand grazed the back of the rapidly egressing feline causing her to perform a 9G turn and increase her speed to Mach 1.2. I felt a microseconds worth of relief as the X-Wing was firmly in my grasp but suddenly realized that she was continuing to accelerate as she changed direction to travel across the front portion of my desk. It was at this time that she impacted the water distribution device (glass) causing my heart to turn cold. With a single bound the enemy Tabby left the area leaving behind her a trail of debris, mayhem, two water made paw prints and 4 drops of water that soared through the air pulled along in her wake.


I watched in fear as time slowed to a crawl and I was able to clearly track the drops as they crossed the desk seemingly in pursuit of the rapidly moving feline. My grip on the X-Wing loosened as my brain calculated the trajectory and I became aware of the imminent threat I was now facing. Before I could drop the Legos the feline delivered water bombs disappeared over the edge of the desk, and I would swear to this moment that they were mocking me as they seemingly adjusted their heading. In less than a twinkle of an eye I was awed at the Tabby Mk. 7s precision. She, while maneuvering at full throttle had managed to place 4 precision guided munitions with a skill that would make Luke Skywalker on the Death Star run envious.


I dropped the X-Wing, leapt from my chair to the left and reached for the power button just as the drops entered the exhaust fan on the top of the case. There were then 4 simultaneous loud bangs, the X-Wing hitting the desk, my knee contacting the floor, the cat impacting the wall beyond the treadmill and the drops impacting the Motherboard seizing the entire system. The system shut down instantly but the USB devices continued to glow. I pulled the case towards me to comfort it in my arms when I heard the last fan, on the power supply, quietly spool down. The USB devices flickered and then slowly faded to black. I sat there in a crumpled heap slowly whispering calming words to the now deceased rig when I looked to my right and saw those same unflinching orbs of indignation staring into my soul. All I could think was, “I bet you’d taste like chicken.”


Six days have passed since the 4 seconds of mayhem that caused the death of my dear computer and the gaping hole in my “office” is only superseded by the enormous chasm in my heart. I have passed the time walking in the park, playing guitar in my hammock, geocaching and pondering the meaning of life in the great outdoors. I’ve lost 8 pounds, gotten some sun and met my neighbors. It’s been horrible. I sit here now staring at the lifeless HOTAS and VR headset and as I glance at the Cat formerly named Joy, now aptly named Odow (Oppenheimer Destroyer Of Worlds), I still think she would taste like chicken.

Cap'n Penguin


a.k.a. Lawndart extraordinaire



i9-9900K Processor - 120mm Liquid Cooling System - 32G (8 GB x 4) DDR4-3200MHz - Gigabyte GeForce RTX 2080 Ti - 11GB - 1 TB Western Digital Blue SSD - Motherboard (MSI MAG Z390 Tomahawk) - Corsair RMX850 PSU - Windows 10 - Thrustmaster Warthog HOTAS - Oculus Rift S - Old Lawn chair



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One heck of an AAR , but i hope you are never inspired to write another like it :(

9700k @ stock , Aorus Pro Z390 wifi , 32gb 3200 mhz CL16 , 1tb EVO 970 , MSI RX 6800XT Gaming X TRIO , Seasonic Prime 850w Gold , Coolermaster H500m , Noctua NH-D15S , CH Pro throttle and T50CM2/WarBrD base on Foxxmounts , CH pedals , Reverb G2v2

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Clearly you need to upgrade to the Mk.8 Tabby.

My Hangar: | A-10A | A-10C | AJS-37 | AV-8B II NA | F-14B | BF-109 K4 | C-101 | F-15C | F-5E II |F-86F | F/A-18C | FW-190 D-9 | KA-50 | L-39 | M-2000C | MI-8MTV2 | MiG-15bis | MiG-21bis | P-51D | SA342 | Spitfire IX | SU-25 | SU-25T | SU-27 | SU-33 | UH-1H |


My Playgrounds: | Caucasus | Nevada | Persian Gulf | Normandy |


Cockpit: | i7-4790K | EVGA Z97 | NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1060 3GB | Samsung EVO SSD | Saitek Pro Flight X-55 Rhino H.O.T.A.S. System | TrackIR 5 |

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My condolence...

Now, need some cat meat dish recipe?

i9-9900K, G.Skill 3200 32GB RAM, AORUS Z390 Pro Wifi, Gigabyte Windforce RTX 2080 Ti, Samsung 960 Pro NVMe 512G + 860 Pro 1T, TM Warthog HOTAS, VKB T-Rudder, Samsung O+

F/A-18C, F-16C, A-10C, UH-1, AV-8B, F-14, JF-17, FC3, SA342 Gazelle, L-39, KA-50, CEII, Supercarrier Preordered. (Almost abandoned: CA - VR support please?)


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