I finally successed!!! The code and pin define from Vinc is completely correct, I only do one thing wrong: I choose "ESP32 S2 dev moudle" in arduino IDE (comes from some esp32 toutrial page) , and after I choose "Lonin S2 Mini" to compile, everything become magic!!!
Thank you Vinc for writing and testing the code of DED for us, I post here to remind other one want to use ESP32 S2 mini for DED , remember to choose the right board type or the HW SPI will never work and SW SPI will slow as hell. I guess the mega2560 HW mode fail maybe same reason but I am satisfy with ESP32 now