IT WAS THE MOTHERF***ING CPU!!!!!!
Holy sh*t boys, that was the most arduous bout of troubleshooting I have *ever* done in my entire life. It passed literally every single test I thew at it, including prime95, handled every single other application flawlessly and without a single hiccup. After almost 2 solid months of troubleshooting, replacing 1k usd worth of components one-at-a-time (thankfully amazon is letting me return them, hopefully I get all my money back) I finally found it tonight.
Now I just have to wait for an actual replacement CPU to arrive tomorrow, since the one I tested with tonight was the cheapest AM5 socket CPU I could find.
I genuinely don't know what I could have done to find this sooner, but hopefully if someone else has a similar issue down the line they can save themselves the suffering that I've just went through. Now I'm just gonna do a clean windows reinstall once again to make sure that no traces of the (dozens) of different driver sets I've downloaded will conflict lol.
