I had a hard time figuring it out too. Since the F/A18C has short legs air refueling is an essential part of the F/A18C experience, so I was determined to learn.
It is easier to dock a spaceship then to do an air refuel! So that is how I looked at it, it is like docking a spaceship in KSP. In a spaceship you turn on your thrust, then turn it off when you achieve your desired translation. Aircraft are different, you need to manually turn off the 'thrust'. For every action you have to do a counter action to correct. Want to increase your altitude pull on the stick, then push the stick to counter. Want to go faster, push the throttle forward, then pull the throttle back. Do everything in increments. Catch the basket then fly in close formation with the tanker. Make continuous adjustments, for every action do a counter action. Takes practice but once you get it down it is very rewarding.
I still have trouble when the tanker is turning, why does it take so long for a tanker to turn?