What did YOUR mother teach you....?

[Teabag]

What did YOUR mother teach you....?

 

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

cleaning."

 

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

 

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of

next week!"

 

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

 

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the

store with me."

 

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

 

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

 

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

 

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

 

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

 

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

 

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

 

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

 

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

 

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't

have wonderful parents like you do."

 

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

 

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

 

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

way."

 

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

 

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

 

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

 

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

 

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

 

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

 

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

 

:D

[monotwix]

My mother turns up at one time and tells me to stop drinking and I’m like hang on a second, it’s not like I’m waking up pissed any more and even if I did at least I can swim or stay afloat.

(A custom built water mattress any one?)

 

Talking about fathers, fking admirals aren’t they?

(Submarine divers)

[Airway]

Seems we have the same mother then, .... brother Teabag. :huh:

(I never knew I have a teabag as brother, honestly!) :D

[Teabag]

Seems we have the same mother then, .... brother Teabag. :huh:

(I never knew I have a teabag as brother, honestly!) :D

 

 

I didn't know anything about this either... but I know for sure I've heard some of those statements when I grew up :lol:

[A.S]

true lines...

 

Mom:

* hang around with poor guys and you will become poor..hang around with wealthy ones and you will become wealthy

*be carefull of women who have their ass close to the ground

*little birds have a big mouth

 

Dad (RiP):

* ..im not gonna tell you anything about what is right or wrong in life...go figure yourself and learn yourself...if you make a mistake...i ll be there, cause im your father...if you make same mistake again..i will kick your ass.

[Vekkinho]

My father:

1) Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your booze!

2) By the time that girlfriend of yours reaches her mama's age, she'll look the same...and sound the same!

Edited January 12, 2009 by Vekkinho