@ouseler
I can tell the level of frustration you are experiencing simply by the title of your post being in all caps followed by a bunch of exclamation marks. This may sound silly but one of the most important factors for AAR is your head space. AAR is already very stressful & extremely challenging so going into it with a clear mind is very useful.
Next: you can watch all the Youtube videos on AAR & take in all the advise coming your way which is no doubt very helpful, BUT the one true path that will get you to successfully complete AAR in an F/A-18 Hornet is practice.
Took me nine days of just logging into DCS world and working on AAR over and over and over again. Frustration on the first order indeed! But at the end of day I do have an overwhelming sense of accomplishment as I can now complete AAR in an F/A-18 Hornet with my basic T16000 HOTAS.
You can do this, believe in yourself & practice.
Update this thread with your progress, I would love to read about it!