Spot on. Think you've really hit the nail on the head.
It's all about how you feel.
I was using a buddy's setting for my HOTAS. Partly because I was lazy setting one up myself :D
Felt ok flying, but refuelling was just too twitchy.
Since modifying my own curves and deadzones, it feels much easier.
Don't get me wrong. I still need practice, but at least i don't feel like i'm constantly fighting the controls now.