nir is absolutely right. This has little to do with settings, hardware and fps. I did some testing with different settings (I run a pimax crystal light and rtx4090). Planes appear out of nothing when they are very close, then they disappear and reappear while you track them, especiially when you use the vr zoom functions (eg you see the plan, but when you zoom in it disappears).
There are numerous threads about this issue and in no one I found a solution which really works (but perhaps someone can point me to the solution?)
Multiplayer dogfights are very frustrating, your chances are very low if you want to fly visually. ED should do something about this.