159th_Viper Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Why Teachers drink...... The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)...............and just remember they WILL breed. Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs Q.. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head Novice or Veteran looking for an alternative MP career? Click me to commence your Journey of Pillage and Plunder! [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC] '....And when I get to Heaven, to St Peter I will tell.... One more Soldier reporting Sir, I've served my time in Hell......'
sobek Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) That is actually quite clever. :) Good, fast, cheap. Choose any two. Come let's eat grandpa! Use punctuation, save lives!
cichlidfan Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)...............and just remember they WILL breed. ...and vote. Their parents are also probably responsible for the high ratings of 'reality' shows. :D ASUS ROG Maximus VIII Hero, i7-6700K, Noctua NH-D14 Cooler, Crucial 32GB DDR4 2133, Samsung 950 Pro NVMe 256GB, Samsung EVO 250GB & 500GB SSD, 2TB Caviar Black, Zotac GTX 1080 AMP! Extreme 8GB, Corsair HX1000i, Phillips BDM4065UC 40" 4k monitor, VX2258 TouchScreen, TIR 5 w/ProClip, TM Warthog, VKB Gladiator Pro, Saitek X56, et. al., MFG Crosswind Pedals #1199, VolairSim Pit, Rift CV1 :thumbup:
Yurgon Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 ...and vote. Their parents are also probably responsible for the high ratings of 'reality' shows. :D Well, about 2/3 of these answers would perfectly fit Fox Mulder's sense of humor on the X-Files, so maybe all is not lost. :-)
cichlidfan Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 ....coyote pic That cartoon is probably the reason I survived childhood relatively intact. :P ASUS ROG Maximus VIII Hero, i7-6700K, Noctua NH-D14 Cooler, Crucial 32GB DDR4 2133, Samsung 950 Pro NVMe 256GB, Samsung EVO 250GB & 500GB SSD, 2TB Caviar Black, Zotac GTX 1080 AMP! Extreme 8GB, Corsair HX1000i, Phillips BDM4065UC 40" 4k monitor, VX2258 TouchScreen, TIR 5 w/ProClip, TM Warthog, VKB Gladiator Pro, Saitek X56, et. al., MFG Crosswind Pedals #1199, VolairSim Pit, Rift CV1 :thumbup:
Invader ZIM Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 LOL, yea, I know what you mean cichlidfan. It was between that and Tom and Jerry with Tom chasing Jerry with an Axe. :D
Namenlos Ein Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 http://dentistpictures.info/2011/11/putin-begins-his-campaign-trail-for-russian-presidency-with-dentistry-stunt/
asparagin Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Spoiler AMD Ryzen 9 5900X, MSI MEG X570 UNIFY (AM4, AMD X570, ATX), Noctua NH-DH14, EVGA GeForce RTX 3070 Ti XC3 ULTRA, Seasonic Focus PX (850W), Kingston HyperX 240GB, Samsung 970 EVO Plus (1000GB, M.2 2280), 32GB G.Skill Trident Z Neo DDR4-3600 DIMM CL16, Cooler Master 932 HAF, Samsung Odyssey G5; 34", Win 10 X64 Pro, Track IR, TM Warthog, TM MFDs, Saitek Pro Flight Rudders
diveplane Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 (edited) lol.. Edited August 16, 2012 by diveplane https://www.youtube.com/user/diveplane11 DCS Audio Modding.
Bucic Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 lol.. urban legend Noooo, not that again :P F-5E simpit cockpit dimensions and flight controls Kill the Bloom - shader glow mod Poor audio Doppler effect in DCS [bug] Trees - huge performance hit especially up close
159th_Viper Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Thismyasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget... ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you kidding me? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ____________________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. :megalol: Novice or Veteran looking for an alternative MP career? Click me to commence your Journey of Pillage and Plunder! [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC] '....And when I get to Heaven, to St Peter I will tell.... One more Soldier reporting Sir, I've served my time in Hell......'
cichlidfan Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Noooo, not that again :P It's like a social disease that never quite goes away! :D ASUS ROG Maximus VIII Hero, i7-6700K, Noctua NH-D14 Cooler, Crucial 32GB DDR4 2133, Samsung 950 Pro NVMe 256GB, Samsung EVO 250GB & 500GB SSD, 2TB Caviar Black, Zotac GTX 1080 AMP! Extreme 8GB, Corsair HX1000i, Phillips BDM4065UC 40" 4k monitor, VX2258 TouchScreen, TIR 5 w/ProClip, TM Warthog, VKB Gladiator Pro, Saitek X56, et. al., MFG Crosswind Pedals #1199, VolairSim Pit, Rift CV1 :thumbup:
asparagin Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Noooo, not that again :P Yeah, but you notice it's getting better: last time I heard it, it was only 1 million $, underwater writing was not included and also no temperature range given. So either the legend evolves or.... [x-files music in background] ...there was more than one pen.... Spoiler AMD Ryzen 9 5900X, MSI MEG X570 UNIFY (AM4, AMD X570, ATX), Noctua NH-DH14, EVGA GeForce RTX 3070 Ti XC3 ULTRA, Seasonic Focus PX (850W), Kingston HyperX 240GB, Samsung 970 EVO Plus (1000GB, M.2 2280), 32GB G.Skill Trident Z Neo DDR4-3600 DIMM CL16, Cooler Master 932 HAF, Samsung Odyssey G5; 34", Win 10 X64 Pro, Track IR, TM Warthog, TM MFDs, Saitek Pro Flight Rudders
Bucic Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Incredible shot of Afghan sniper :tomato: http://www.sadistic.pl/snajper-w-afganistanie-vt132997.htm F-5E simpit cockpit dimensions and flight controls Kill the Bloom - shader glow mod Poor audio Doppler effect in DCS [bug] Trees - huge performance hit especially up close
Chazz_BMF Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 (edited) This just made my day :lol: Edited August 18, 2012 by Chazz_BMF double post :pilotfly:Wolfpack Production:pilotfly: -=<[WiN 10, I7 3770K @ 4,5 Ghz, Corsair H100i, Sabertooth Z77, 16 GB Dominator, Sapphire 7970 VaporX 6GB, C70 Vengance, Thrustmaster Warthog HOTAS, Saitek Pro rudder, Track IR, Beyerdynamics MMX 300 ]>=- DCS/FC2/FC3/Arma videos on my channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/WolfpackproductionDK "Fortes Furtuna Juvat"
monotwix Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Affirmative, tomorrow is a seven mile run and 30 push-ups. I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.
diveplane Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) This just made my day :lol: lmao nice one let me see your war face ...lol Edited August 19, 2012 by diveplane https://www.youtube.com/user/diveplane11 DCS Audio Modding.
Bucic Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Yeah, but you notice it's getting better: last time I heard it, it was only 1 million $, underwater writing was not included and also no temperature range given. And since when pencil write (in a usable manner) on glass?! :D let me see your war face ...lol Stomach punch was better! :D F-5E simpit cockpit dimensions and flight controls Kill the Bloom - shader glow mod Poor audio Doppler effect in DCS [bug] Trees - huge performance hit especially up close
asparagin Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 And since when pencil write (in a usable manner) on glass?! :D In soviet Russia pencils write on glass. Spoiler AMD Ryzen 9 5900X, MSI MEG X570 UNIFY (AM4, AMD X570, ATX), Noctua NH-DH14, EVGA GeForce RTX 3070 Ti XC3 ULTRA, Seasonic Focus PX (850W), Kingston HyperX 240GB, Samsung 970 EVO Plus (1000GB, M.2 2280), 32GB G.Skill Trident Z Neo DDR4-3600 DIMM CL16, Cooler Master 932 HAF, Samsung Odyssey G5; 34", Win 10 X64 Pro, Track IR, TM Warthog, TM MFDs, Saitek Pro Flight Rudders
cichlidfan Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 In soviet Russia pencils write on glass. Really hard pencils, or really soft glass? ;) ASUS ROG Maximus VIII Hero, i7-6700K, Noctua NH-D14 Cooler, Crucial 32GB DDR4 2133, Samsung 950 Pro NVMe 256GB, Samsung EVO 250GB & 500GB SSD, 2TB Caviar Black, Zotac GTX 1080 AMP! Extreme 8GB, Corsair HX1000i, Phillips BDM4065UC 40" 4k monitor, VX2258 TouchScreen, TIR 5 w/ProClip, TM Warthog, VKB Gladiator Pro, Saitek X56, et. al., MFG Crosswind Pedals #1199, VolairSim Pit, Rift CV1 :thumbup:
PeterP Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) :smartass:it's not a pencil that only uses graphite - it's also mixed with a sort of fat/wax. - So you can write under water and on each glass-like surface. This added around 2000 rubel to the overall developing costs. - so that it summed up to 2013 rubel total. :) Edited August 19, 2012 by PeterP
asparagin Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) so that it summed up to 2013 rubel total. :) Holy [beep], that makes 1 rubel = 6000 $ !! Edit: Hey I can write [beep] without censorship!! It's the [beep]! I always wanted [beep] like this. [beep] Edited August 19, 2012 by sobek Spoiler AMD Ryzen 9 5900X, MSI MEG X570 UNIFY (AM4, AMD X570, ATX), Noctua NH-DH14, EVGA GeForce RTX 3070 Ti XC3 ULTRA, Seasonic Focus PX (850W), Kingston HyperX 240GB, Samsung 970 EVO Plus (1000GB, M.2 2280), 32GB G.Skill Trident Z Neo DDR4-3600 DIMM CL16, Cooler Master 932 HAF, Samsung Odyssey G5; 34", Win 10 X64 Pro, Track IR, TM Warthog, TM MFDs, Saitek Pro Flight Rudders
sobek Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 [a lot of bleep] Please, take it easy, kids could be reading this... Good, fast, cheap. Choose any two. Come let's eat grandpa! Use punctuation, save lives!
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