Thanks guys,
I guess TACAN and NVGs will work, but up close the lighting of the end of the pipe seems to mess up NVGs and there is no way to light or see the top end ... its doable, but seems unrealistic.
EtherealN: As to having tankers low over possible enemy SHORADs, the AAR planner needs a courts martial! I would assume they stay over friendly land or sea and have a dedicated CAP - a heck of a lot of assets to risk unnecessarily.
SimFreak: I guess the answer is AWACS talking you on in the combat zone.
It would be good if you could request the tanker flash his lights or turn on a light over the boom ...