Funny stuff ?!!

[*Rage*]

Funny stuff...

[joey45]

Something for us Brits...

[monotwix]

It´s fake. I tried it, but the bulb stays on only for 3 hours..

Hmm, it should have at least 2 gig of memory.

Are you sure it wasn’t the internal vision?

[Chazz_BMF]

[Speed]

Some of you guys might have seen this already, but if not...

 

(Make sure to click on it to expand the image and make the text more readable :))

Edited February 12, 2013 by Speed

[graywo1fg]

gotta love the Onion! LMFAO!!!

[Spasticatedtoad]

This is a short story that was sent to me a long time ago and each time I read it I get a good laugh. Anyone who has had experience with electricity, will be able to sympathize with this dude. Hope you enjoy :D

 

 

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

 

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

 

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

 

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

 

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

 

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

 

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

 

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it Stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ol' thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

 

I'm pretty sure The Hulk ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the foetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

 

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

 

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

 

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

 

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

 

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'

Edited February 12, 2013 by Spasticatedtoad

[Invader ZIM]

LOL, nice one, it reminded me of this video:

 

 

The kid tries on a dog's shock collar with 6 levels of shock.

Edited February 12, 2013 by Invader ZIM

[159th_Viper]

:megalol:

[Spasticatedtoad]

LOL, nice one, it reminded me of this video:

 

 

The kid tries on a dog's shock collar with 6 levels of shock.

 

 

Thanks for that one. I have to show my girlfriend that. You'd want to hope that dogs skin is a lot thicker than ours. Seems like a big shock :O

[Invader ZIM]

Yea, I'm guessing a dog's fur coat will insulate them a little from the shocks, but it's amusing to see what it does to a human lol.

[BDMSTUDIOS]

:smartass:

[BDMSTUDIOS]

ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO!!!

 

ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO!!! :smartass:

 

[sslechta]

New Geography Pack - FCUSA

 

New Geography Pack - FCUSA (Fiscal Cliffs)

 

Location: East Coast USA providing detailed mapping of the House and Senate chambers.

 

Synopsis: Blues and Reds take on each other once again on the floors of the House and Senate. Use the Mission Editor to set your waypoints for an epic battle.

 

Requirements: Nevada must be installed. Losing politicians have to go someplace to de-stress.

 

JOIN THE DEBATE NOW! Nothing ends an argument like a missile!

 

 

Opinion for Debate: So the Reds are larger in numbers but do the Blues have better weapons?

[Griffin]

[leafer]

:D

 

rTUwqxHpXMY#!

[Jinja]

I'd like to see Mr. Blobby vs Android on Crack vs Techno Viking in a dance-off/cage fight. That'd be awesome

[monotwix]

Scientists believe that your ancestors had evolved from some kind of monkey.

[JB3DG]

Scientists believe that your ancestors had evolved from some kind of monkey.

 

Some of them may have hung by their necks but I know NONE of them hung by their tails!(what tails?) :lol:

[monotwix]

The dinosaurs were your relatives and they wiggled their green tails.

Milvizjbsaurases they were.

[Fjordmonkey]

Scientists believe that your ancestors had evolved from some kind of monkey.

 

And many people are closer to our ancestors than others :smartass:

[Feuerfalke]

Some of them may have hung by their necks but I know NONE of them hung by their tails!(what tails?) :lol:

 

This tail! ;)

 

Not this one:

[CENSORED]

[BRooDJeRo]

I'm overwhelmed with joy...

 

[asparagin]

The dinosaurs were your relatives and they wiggled their green tails.

 

[FreeFall]

XqdId2akY1A