In response to the OP, I don't experience guilt, but I do frequently find it hard to understand myself at times. I'm a pacifist and abhor violence, yet I'm obsessed by controlled aggression. I used to love practicing martial arts, and I love learning the A-10 and Black Shark and finding out military facts. I love violent games. None of these would exist without genuine violence, which I hate.
I don't understand it sometimes.